ABOUT SW19

So, you've read this site, got bored and now started to look in here? Well, come in, sit down and don't panic when I forcefeed you spiked drinks. I'll be gentle...

 

What's SW19's ARMY?

It's an online fanzine covering the football club called AFC Wimbledon.

Where does the SW19's ARMY name come from?

In the good old days at Plough Lane, around 1986/87, there was a single released called the Dons Song. Slightly Eurovision in its composition, and with a rather kewl guitar solo in the middle, it contained these immortal lyrics:

"We're the boys in blue and yellow, from Wimbledon FC.
They say we came from nowhere, till we went to the top of the league.
We're SW19's Army, and winning is our game.
We'll entertain you evermore, like we've done at the old Plough Lane"

Slightly corny, but better than 95% of Top 40 entries since 1989

Who runs SW19's ARMY?

That would be me.

Who are you?

I am REPD, full name on request. I was born on the 25th October 1975. I reside in a pikey chav-infested area called Morden, which is famous for being on the end of the Northern line and home to Western Europe's biggest mosque. I have been a Dons fan since 1983. You may find this hard to believe, but I do have a real job. You may find it harder to believe that I am a real life sports journalist. I have worked for FourFourTwo, Press Association, League Paper and Non League Paper. Currently, I can be found in the Fulham/Hammersmith Chronicle, Kensington and Chelsea News and the Paddington/Marylebone/Pimlico Mercury. Please note that SW19 is not affiliated to any of these organs.

Why did you start SW19's ARMY?

I often ask myself that as well. Basically, when I first started, there was nothing available - either printed or online - that I wanted to read. By the time 1999 arrived, fanzines were pretty routine to read and radio phone ins were frequented by brainless twocks with IQs in single figures. And the people who phoned in were dumb as well. So I set out with limited HTML knowledge and a load of opinions and set to work.

How do you write match reports?

A mixture of ways. I use my memory, post-game reactions on the internet and a notebook and working pen, helped with NCTJ-level teeline shorthand notation.

No, I mean - how do you write your reports in the way that you do?

Oh. To be honest, I've never thought about it. I think too much emphasis these days concentrates on the "how" and not so much on the "why".

OK then - WHY do you write match reports in the way that you do?

Confession time : writing reports on what goes on the field is often very boring. Why do you think so many newspaper articles feature quotes? As said earlier, I wanted to read things that I wanted to read. Anyone can write about a free kick, but what about some of the chants that go on off the pitch? Or somebody getting slung out? Or even moving a club 70 miles northwards? There is so much that happens in a game that I think gets neglected....

Why don't you mention the things that go on the pitch?

Dunno. You can read that sort of stuff anywhere else, really. Also, I am convinced I have ADD. I certainly have long-sightedness.

I want to write a match report. How do I go about it?

Firstly, see if I'm at a game. This is where joining my mailing list pays dividends, as I've often put out requests for games to be covered. If you think you can do it, let me know ASAP - I often find I can't go to a game 24-48 hours (or less) before it starts, so be prepared.

As for style etc? Whatever you choose. I'm not fussed whether you do it the SW19 style or not. Remember that trying to "force" your style is the worst thing you can do - it looks shite to read and is not likely to get me re-employing you.

Also, the sooner you can get it up the better. I have an unofficial deadline of Sunday evening. It's for the City workers, you see.

The front pages are brilliant. Do you copy Private Eye?

Glad you think the front pages are brilliant. I think they're shit. Incidentally, Private Eye (which shares its birthday with me, believe it or not, though it's older) copies me ;)

How do you do a front page?

Through Paint Shop Pro and Google. As for influence, apart from PE I am a great reader of Matt from the Daily Telegraph, by far and away the best sketch cartoonist going. I also used to read MAD magazine.

Do you read the Daily Telegraph then?

Of course I do. Don't tell me - you're a dyed-in-the-liberal-wool Guardian reader who masturbates over Polly Toynbee's mugshot.

Er, next question... How come you don't do as many articles as you used to?

In the good old days, I could do an article a month. These days, my job has a lot to do with it (most people who do this sort of site do writing as a hobby, I reckon I must write close to 20000 words a week). Also, writing stuff about AFCW without stepping on anyone's toes has been a bit difficult. It is my aim at the beginning of the 2006/07 season to (a) do more articles and (b) do more AFCW related articles as well. My aim of a ban from Kingsmeadow may yet be realised.

Why are you so rude to [insert victim here]?

I prefer to call it a blunt expression of opinion. Usually, it's because they've pissed me off in some way, shape or form. Bit like people who do that retarded "Easy" chant (see below)

What's with the strikeout comments?

You mean these you stupid fucking twat type of things?

Shouldn't this be called Frequently Asked Questions instead of About SW19?

No, because nobody ever asks these questions more than once. Besides, About SW19 looks better on the menu system.

Who should read this site?

Anyone who wants to. And media moguls who want new talent.

Who shouldn't read this site?

Chelski fans, because I use words of more than two syllables. Post Euro 96 Sucker AM watching numpties. People who wait to be offended by something. Independent readers. Members of the political class. FSF types. People who listen to that shite rap/Fatboy Slim stuff. Oh, and Franchise fans.

Coincidentally, if you enjoy doing that "Easy" chant, please vacate the premises immediately. Failure to do so will involve you being placed up against a wall and repeatedly kicked in the head until fatal brain aneurysm occurs.

Isn't that about 96% of the AFC Wimbledon fanbase?

Oh yeah, so it is. No wonder hardly anyone ever reads this site.

I want to write an article. Will you let me?

Absolutely. Just contact me and show me what you've got.

Why do you swear so much?

Fuck off you cunthole

No seriously, why do you swear so much?

I just do. Actually, I don't swear nearly as much as I could. If I had kids, I'd rather they'd be swearing than doing anything else illicit.

I notice you have quite a few sexual references in your writing. Are you trying to suggest something?

Yes - anyone who notices sexual references in my scribings is a sexual pervert, and needs a jolly good whipping

What do you have planned for SW19?

Truth is, nothing you haven't been reading for the last few years. Updates may be a bit sporadic as I often work on Saturdays. Articles are as and when I think of them, ditto front pages. What I would like to do in the near future is podcasts. Just like US talk radio, I want to pontificate on air about various matters. This is in the pipeline....

Sounds good. Can I have your babies?

No